Once you reach a certain point in your pregnancy the first question most people ask you is how are you feeling. My most common response is good because everything that I am feeling right now cannot be summed up in a one sentence. Since I have a little time on this rainy afternoon, I thought I would take a moment to write down how I am really feeling.
Excited: I can't believe I am having a baby next week. The past three or four nights I have dreamed about our new baby. I am excited to meet him, hold him and see what he looks like. I am excited to smell that new baby smell that I have miss so much. And yes, I am excited not to be pregnant anymore.
Nervous: So next Friday November 7th is the big day. I have scheduled a c-section so I know when the baby is going to come. I am nervous because I have not had the best deliveries in the past and even though I have had c-sections before I have no clue how this one is going to go and how my body is going to respond. I am nervous about my life after baby and how I am going to handle three boys all the same time. I am nervous about how I am going to recover both physically and mentally after having the baby.
Tired: I really did forget how tired you are all the time when you are in the last days of pregnancy. I fall asleep so easily which I count as a blessing but around 3 am I wake up for a bathroom break and my mind will not let me settle down. Last week too my boys had a conference before bed to decide who was going to come into our bed during the night. It really was funny that for about 5 nights in a row they switched, Liam one night, then Landon the next night. I guess we were lucky that it was never both at the same time. And luckily they are not doing it anymore, but it was funny while it was going on.
Overwhelmed: I feel like I have so much I want to accomplish before next Friday but I don't have the energy to do it. I want my house to be spotless, which is nearly impossible with two crazy boys running around. I think I am going to let this one go though. It am sure my house will be clean enough for a baby to come home. I want to have meals prepared, everything in order and all the baby stuff completely set up and ready to go. Nesting anyone?
Grateful: I am so grateful for those that are willing to help when the baby comes. My brother Poul is coming out to be with the boys while I am at the hospital and this is such a blessing. My sister Gretchen is coming a little before Thanksgiving which is going to be great as well. I am so grateful for the network of friends I have through church because I know of at least 10 people I could call to watch the boys if I needed it and I know that my sisters in Relief Society are going to be so helpful with our new addition to our family. Having a church family here in Washington is such a blessing. I love the DuPont ward.
Sad: Just a little sad. I got this way before Landon was born too. I am sad that my life is going to be changing. I am sad that is never going to be the same as it is right now. The boys are such good friends and I love that I have time to spend one-on-one with them. I know that that is going to change with a new baby. But like I said I am just a little sad because I know that my heart is just going to expand for this new little one and that he is going to bring so much joy to our family.
Relieved: I really am ready to be done. I have reached the point where I just want to meet my baby. I am no longer in the glowing part of pregnancy. I just want to be done.
Loved: To end all of my emotions, I will end with love. I feel loved. I feel loved from my husband who take cares of me and makes sure I am doing okay. He has completely taken care of Liam's Halloween costume this year so I didn't have to worry about it. He is going to be such a great Daddy to this new little guys. Nothing much brings me more joy that seeing Roland with one of our babies in his arms. I feel love from Liam and Landon. They are so sweet and love me unconditionally. Mommy is a bit of a beast sometimes, but they love me anyway. I feel love from my Father in Heaven. I know that He cares about me and will help me through this time of transition. I know my Father in Heaven lives and loves me too.
Well that was therapeutic. Even though there is a lot to be stressed about, there is a lot to be grateful for as well. Can't wait to meet you in one week little one!